In a spirit of claiming what already exists and moving into what can be, the word I am holding out this year is abundance. In conversation with my therapist, it felt obvious when it popped up. Nothing magical. But when he said the word abundance, I said, “yes! that resonates! I think that’s my word!”

To be clear, this was an intentional shift from the previous year which did not feel abundant in any good ways. It was a year of health issues which entailed leaving a job and vocational focus, and moving cities. It feels like the only thing abundant about it was crisis. Anxiety, fear, hard diagnoses. Honestly, it was one of the worst years of my life. So landing on abundance feels like a spark in the greyest of Seattle days. When I think about about the possibilities, I can feel it in my body. A lightness, a relief, a sense of wow!

So, I sat down earlier this week and wrote responses to the following two questions:

1. In what areas of my life can I imagine abundance?
2. In what areas of my life do I already experience abundance?

As I wrote about what I hoped for, I realized that many of the areas of abundance I wanted were already, in some ways, present. Even after a sh*tshow of a year. It was telling. Of course, there are still many areas to move forward with, and to think through. But it brought up the question: what if this is just about acknowledging what is already true? I know the past year has been off the charts with NO THANK YOU, but has it also been full of YES PLEASE?

When a crisis hits, priorities and needs clarify. The one thing I knew when aforementioned crisis hit was that I needed to leave my work as a hospice chaplain and live closer to my family. This was a practical and primal need and desire and it proved to be the right choice. The moment I transplanted back to Seattle, I immediately had much deeper support by people who know and love me. I instantly had communities of care that were 0 – 30 minutes away. My daughter and her partner. My old neighbors. My sister. My spiritual communities who know and love me. My musical community. The dear friends with whom I raised my kids. I was immediately surrounded with practical love.

Here is one of the ironies that continues to manifest: In seasons of scarcity and fear, there is abundant love and kindness. Although my personal well-being was drastically cut, and I had almost nothing to offer, I experienced and received more than what I needed. I was a mess – and the outlook was grim. But under the surface and in the midst of it all, there was something bubbling up; silently watering the driest of roots. Like an underground stream in the desert.

As someone who normally has a lot of love to give, it is pretty hard to receive. But one of the gifts of a spiritually grounded life is the willingness to receive from something bigger than one’s self. It can be hard to receive if we think we are the only ones creating our lives and that our purpose has no ultimate value except in the present moment. Life certainly has a randomness about it, but when we step back a few meters, there is synchronicity and a beautiful web of connection.

For me that was – and is – family, communities who know how to love well, and God/Spirit/the earth. This is my holy trinity: God, this earth, and each other.