In more organized faith circles, Lent is a big deal. It is the 40 days leading to Easter. People “give up” food, unhealthy practices, selfish pursuits and explore disciplines we sometimes avoid. It is a bit of a reality check. The ritual of a clergy person putting ashes on one’s forehead with the words, “from dust you came, to dust you shall return” is pretty spooky, really. And not super upbeat, if you get my drift. In that way it feels counter-cultural to the cult of happy. But it is also pretty grim.

As a young adult, I balked. Does a highly sensitive over-thinker needed reminders that she is going to die? And give up chocolate? Come on. How could that make me anything but pissed off and miserable? But I bought into it. And tried to accommodate. I was never very successful. I drove by See’s candy shops and imagined I would get a few things for Easter. Just to save for later. As a reward for not eating it now, you know. Let’s just say, I may have made more than one trip to See’s in the Lenten months. Plus, they gave out a free sample! It would which feel like an insult to say no. I mean, there that seasonal worker was, donning her big black bow and white outfit, with a chocolate-filled silver platter in her hand.! It would be disrespectful to say no. That was her job! I was no legalist about these things.

Some friends seemed to really dig it. It was as if the possibility of becoming closer to their God through sacrifice was something they got off on. They did it “for him”. Meaning gave up chocolate or porn or, God forbid, FACEBOOK! Be like Jesus. Don’t do that stuff!

This is snarkier than I feel it in reality. I have deep respect for people who take their faith seriously as long as it offers grace and welcome to all people. I consider myself in that fold. And anyone who works at treating others well, challenges their biases and meanness is tops in my book. This attempt at self-betterment isn’t limited to people of faith, of course, and some are pretty terrible at it. But we keep trying. We change our minds. We push our institutions to love with intention.

However, when you work in hospice, which I have done, every day is Ash Wednesday. And it is no place to live for long. So I will not be living there this year or potentially any other year. In fact, I would say that I have officially observed enough “dusty” days to last the rest of my life. So give me a little grace if you find me sneaking off to a pie bakery during Lent. It’s a celebration that even dust can be baked into a pie and if warmed and topped with ice cream, it’ll be delicious.

In this light, I would like to propose a different iteration of the Lenten affirmation. It is one I feel ok about. It calls out a bigger reality. It is scientific. Because the world is anxious and warring, as are our hearts. And we need the light of the universe in each moment.